John Wesley is a powerful name in the world of religion, as he is credited as the founder of Methodism and Evangelicalism. Evangelicalism today is one of America's most prominent religions, and many in this community want to set the agenda for peoples' sex lives and marriages. However, what is swept under the rug is that John Wesley's own marriage was a complete disaster replete with jealousy, emotional detachment and physical abuse. So does the father of Evangelism have the answer for your marriage? Read below to find out.
JOHN WESLEY STRESSES IMPORTANCE OF 'PERFECT CHRISTIAN LOVE'
WHEN HIS OWN LOVE LIFE IS A JOKE
Wesley's marriage with Mary Vazeille (also nicknamed 'Molly') was a rocky road. They got married in 1751, split up in 1758, and then proceeded to split up and get back together until Vazeille left him for good in 1771.
Initially he didn't even want to get married at all, but then caved when he acknowledged God's "will" that he find a spouse. He then preached to people the importance of every Christian achieving "perfect love," yet a closer examination of his own marriage reveals that his love wasn't so perfect.
AWAY FROM HOME, WESLEY INSTRUCTS HIS WIFE TO REMAIN "PLAIN"
As the founder of Evangelism, Wesley spent long periods of time away from home doing his ministry. Yet even from afar, he issued his wife instructions for how to live her life. Shortly after their marriage began, he instructed his wife to sell her jewels, prized possessions and to "remain plain. " (Touchstone Journal).
WESLEY SPENDS LONG PERIODS OF TIME AWAY FROM HIS WIFE
WITH YOUNG FEMALE "ADMIRERS" FROM THE CHURCH
Wesley's inordinate amount of travel left his wife to feel jealous and neglected. It didn't help that he was spending an ample amount of time with other young women of the church, while his wife was left at home feeling spurned. This eventually developed into a pretty nasty situation. Out of retribution, she even released some of his private messages to his enemies so they could publicly insult him.
IN LETTER EXCHANGE, WESLEY TELLS HIS WIFE HER LIFE IS MEANINGLESS, AND TO REMAIN INSIGNIFICANT
(connect this to plain thing and quotes about women from church)
In retalliation to his wife releasing his personal information, Wesley said the following: ‘He reminded her that she had laid to his charge things that he knew not, robbed him, betrayed his confidence, revealed his secrets, given him a thousand treacherous wounds, and made it her business so to do, under the pretence of vindicating her own character; ‘whereas’, said he, ‘of what importance is your character to mankind? If you were buried just now, or if you had never lived, what loss would it be to the cause of God?’ [1]
He further told her, ‘Know me and know yourself. Suspect me no more, asperse me no more, provoke me no more: do not any longer contend for mastery…be content to be a private insignificant person, known and loved by God and me.’ [1]
PHYSICAL ABUSE, INSULTS AND NEGLECT
QUOTES FROM A DYSFUNCTIONAL MARRIAGE
Here are a few slices of life from Wesley's marriage, several of which come from Stephen Tomkin's rather blunt biography about the man's life:
WESLEY HOPES TO SEE HIS WIFE'S WICKED FACE NO MORE
"When Wesley left for a ministry tour in Ireland in 1758, Molly reported that her husband’s parting words to her were: 'I hope I shall see your wicked face no more.' (p. 155) [2]
ACCUSATIONS OF ADULTERY
"Reunited in England, they clashed violently—Wesley refusing to change his writing habits [of sending affectionate letters to other women] and Molly accusing him of adultery and calling down on him, in her own words, ‘all the curses from Genesis to Revelation.'” (p. 155) [2]
"Almost the sole surviving record of this marriage from Molly’s side dates from December 1760, when she said Wesley left a meeting early with one Betty Disine and was seen still with her the following morning. She told him ‘in a loving manner to desist from running after strange women for your character is at stake.'” (p. 159) [2]
PHYSICAL ABUSE
At one point, a witness known as John Hampson, Sr. claimed that he walked into a disturbing scene taking place in the Wesley home: John being dragged across the room by a handful of hair, held by his wife (Connecticut Review).
[added rolling pin thing]
WESLEY ONLY MAKES ONE MENTION EVER OF HIS WIFE IN HIS JOURNAL
Wesley was known to keep up frequently with his journal entries. Therefore, it is very strange that he only made one entry in regards to his marriage with Vazeille, and its an entry celebrating their separation.
"Finally, she left for good." Wesley reported in his journal, ‘I did not forsake her, I did not dismiss her, I will not recall her [2]."
JOHN WESLEY OPENLY OPPOSES AMERICAN REVOLUTION
Many in the Evangelical community claim that America is God's country, or that America is great because of its religious freedoms. Religion was a huge part of the Revolution, especially for the Americans who finally felt as if they had some way out of the religious oppression from their King (Library of Congress). The Church of England's presence obviously suffered in the colonies, and most Americans saw the revolution as a direct sign from God that their freedom was coming soon. Yet what is less mentioned, is that John Wesley openly opposed the American Revolution.
He wrote A Calm Address to Our American Colonies in an attempt to dissuade the American colonies from reclaiming their freedom from British rule (Academia). The letter was an attempt by Wesley to calm the colonies and highlight the supposed "freedoms" already enjoyed under the monarchy, and he stressed above all that the American people learn to "fear God and honor the king." The letter went on to proclaim that English Parliament still had the power to tax the American colonies, and that they would enjoy the same liberties as English subjects.
So not only was the founder of Evangelicalism's marriage a nightmare, but he also opposed the American Revolution. These are two facts that are hidden from religious history, but bring up many troubling questions about the roots of the Evangelical movement.
SOURCES
[1] Robert Southey, The Life of John Wesley, Hutchinson, p.266
[2] Stephen Tompkins, John Wesley A Biography, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2003